Finding a mentor, especially in your early career, can feel like a Catch-22. You need connections to find mentors, but you need mentors to help you develop the skills you need to build and nurture those connections. As frustrating as this seems (I know, because I’m at that stage too!) this is normal and totally solvable.
The biggest hang-up I see is people trying to do too much, too fast. They think that if they don’t have a network of 20+ C-suite executives on speed-dial by the time they’re 25, they’re failing. But that impossible standard is the unfortunate product of hustle culture gone too far. It doesn’t reflect reality.
In fact, finding mentors and building your professional network is a decades-long project. The trick is to start small and treat network development as a long-term project. Here are some lessons I’ve learned that have helped me build lifelong relationships with mentors, sometimes in areas that I least expected.
Key takeaways
- There’s no one “perfect” type of mentor. In fact, you should have a variety of mentors to gather different types of advice. I call this your mentor “board of directors.”
- The best mentorship connections rarely start with the question, “Will you be my mentor?” Instead, they come from genuine conversations, mutual curiosity, and reciprocity.
- Building a network of mentors is a career-long project, not a sprint. Start with the relationships you already have, even if they seem thin, and nurture them over time.
We need to redefine what a mentor looks like
The word “mentorship” often has an air of formality and rigidity to it. We think of mentors as people who offer sage advice and pass on their hard-earned wisdom.
In reality, mentors come in all varieties. In fact, limiting yourself to just one person, even if that person is a successful C-suite executive, can present some risks:
- Every person has a limited point of view; as helpful as that can be, it’s just one lived experience
- Experienced mentors lived in a different world and job market when they started out, so their advice for your stage could be outdated
- You may have different career goals from that mentor, so their advice may not always be relevant
- If you spend your time chasing the “perfect” mentor, you miss opportunities to build relationships with other people in your immediate circle
Now, if you have a good relationship with someone in the C-suite, take advantage of that. But if not, don’t sweat it. Instead, consider all the types of people in your circle who could offer you career advice. These comprise what I like to call your mentor “board of directors.”
Peer mentors
A peer mentor is someone who is in the same career stage as you are. Although they may not have the experience of a C-suite mentor, they’re dealing with many of the same challenges, frustrations, and wins that you’re facing. Not only could they have creative solutions to your problems, but they can provide a safe space to vent, someone to validate what you’re going through, and a friend to help work through solutions side by side.
“One step ahead” mentors
These mentors are further along their career journey than you are. But they’re not so far ahead that they’ve forgotten what it’s like to be in your shoes. With these mentors, you get the best of both worlds: experience plus an empathetic ear.
Reverse mentors
Reverse mentors are younger, newer, or closer to emerging trends than you are. They may not have the “traditional” experience, but they bring fresh thinking, fluency with new technologies, and a read on cultural shifts that you may miss. These relationships are often reciprocal: they help provide you with fresh ideas, and you can serve as a “one step ahead” mentor to them.
Project- or skill-specific guides
New skill acquisition is going to be a defining trait of top performers going forward, especially if AI development, automation adoption, and technological disruption continue at their current pace. Mentorship doesn’t need to cover your whole career arc; you can laser-focus your effort on one skill or project you’re trying to develop. This can include technical skills like data visualization, soft skills like public speaking or executive presence, or project-based skills like event planning.
High performers in non-related areas
Another great place to look for mentors are in non-related fields. Although the direct correlation between their work and yours may not be obvious, they can be a source of ideas and insight you won’t get if you stay inside your silo. For example, a PhD-level neuroscientist can help you understand how the human brain works, which in turn can inform marketing and sales strategies, product development, UX/UI design, automation workflows, and more.
Where to look for new mentors
With all that in mind, how do you break out of the “chicken-and-egg” problem I described above and actually find those people? While, yes, formal mentorship programs exist, the best and most impactful relationships in my own career have sprung up organically:
- Former coworkers at all levels can be a great source of advice; you have both shared experiences to draw from, but also unique insights as your careers have gone in different directions
- Connections at industry events and professional association gatherings
- Mutual connections with current or former coworkers
- Alumni networks and volunteer organizations in your local community
- Recruiters and other career professionals; we have our ears to the ground and help you make connections, even if you’re not looking for a new role right now
My experience when finding mentors is to be less aspirational and more foundational: start with the connections you have (even if they’re thin), and branch out over time.
How to reach out with confidence
Reaching out to a potential mentor can feel intimidating. But with the right approach, you can increase the chances of building a strong, meaningful connection. Here’s how.
Start with a warm outreach (if you can)
If you have a mutual connection, a shared community, or even just a common interest, lead with that. It creates instant trust and makes your request feel less transactional. Even a thoughtful comment on something they’ve written or a sincere compliment on their work can serve as a natural entry point.
Don’t ask “will you be my mentor”
People can sense when they’re being treated like a means to an end. Instead of going straight for the “ask,” invest in getting to know them, their work, and their perspective. This shows you value them as a person, not just a resource.
Treat the relationship like a two-way street
Mentorship isn’t a one-sided download of wisdom. Show curiosity, share your own insights, and look for ways to add value back. Even if it’s something as simple as offering feedback or keeping them updated on how their advice helped you. This can make the relationship feel reciprocal.
Remember: rejection isn’t always about you
Not everyone has the time or bandwidth to take on a mentorship role—and that’s okay. A “no” usually says more about their capacity, not your value. Approach rejection with humility and gratitude, and you’ll leave the door open for future opportunities.
Making it work long term
Finding a mentor is just the first step. Keeping the relationship strong requires intentionality and respect.
- Be upfront about what you’re looking for (occasional check-ins, project-specific advice, career guidance). At the same time, respect their limits. Mentors are more likely to stay engaged if they know the scope of the commitment.
- Don’t come unprepared to meetings, treat them like a search engine, or expect instant solutions to complex problems. Show that you’ve done your homework and use their time wisely.
- Share updates on your progress, celebrate milestones together, and don’t forget to express gratitude. The strongest mentorships feel less like transactions and more like enduring partnerships.
Final thoughts
Again, I think part of the reason people get overwhelmed with building relationships with mentors is that people tend to go too hard, too fast. Instead, start small. Building your professional network is a marathon, not a sprint.
A great place to start is with a recruiter who knows your industry. Even if you’re not ready to make a job change, reach out and let’s see what intros I can make on your behalf.
Interested in continuing the conversation around mentorship and building meaningful connections? Connect with me on LinkedIn or learn more about my background.